Should you hire a Professional Wedding Officiant?

Why you should hire a professional officiant to conduct your wedding.

The person you choose to marry you is going to share a very intimate, personal, holy moment in your life. If you a member of a church, usually, you will choose your pastor to marry you. But if you are not a member of a particular congregation or attend church regularly, or at all, then you will need to find a person who is approved by the state in which you are going to be married to legally marry you. This can be a Judge, sometimes a Notary, a Justice of the Peace, a Clerk at the County Courthouse, or you can choose someone like me who is an ordained  minister but does not have a church. Their affiliation is a Community Minister.  Many people have ordinations from accredited institutions who never ever wanted to preach or have a church. I graduated from an interfaith seminary called All Faiths Seminary in Manhattan, New York after quite an intensive study of the various religions and traditions.  My studies involved course work, class work, internships, and having to pass an extensive verbal and written examination of proficiency in the study. The motto of the All Faiths Seminary is “We are all children of the same universe.”  How fitting it is then, that it does not matter what your beliefs may or may not be, we are respectful of all.

I personally think that when you consider a relationship with your officiant, think about the bond you will be creating with them for the rest of your lives. The minister can begin the relationship with you in providing a marriage preparation course, then conducting your marriage or commitment ritual  In my case, I am honored to be associated with my couples through the births of their children, as I am called upon to either baptize or perform a name giving ritual. In addition, I am there for them and their families when a crisis may arise. Your relationship with your minister continues throughout your lives, and they may be available through your life if you need to be ministered to in times of illness, or called upon for a memorial service should the need arise. 

You can sometimes find an Officiant in the Yellow Pages, or today, the best place to find a good Officiant is on the Internet. You will want to then set a time to meet with the Officiant and see if you have good feelings about him or her. You should have an easy conversation together. The Officiant should be very agreeable to do whatever you want in your ceremony. The Officiant should NOT dictate to you what you should or should not do. The Officiant is your facilitator, and it is the Officiant's obligation to fulfill all of your wishes and desires for your wedding day.

It is your decision whether you want to have any type of religious expression in your ceremony. In my experience, I find that most couples will want to have some type of blessing during the ceremony.  However, if they do not want a prayer, or any mention of God or The Bible, then I prepare a personal ceremony for them that just reflects their special love for one another. If you meet with an Officiant, and they insist on some type of religious ritual, or they condemn you in some way for things you have done in the past (already had a child) or are doing right now (maybe you are already living together), or they insist on you taking instruction and becoming a member of their church before they can marry you, then this Officiant is the wrong person to marry you. Keep looking. You do not want to do anything on Your Wedding Day that is forced upon you, or something you are not comfortable with, or any act that does not completely reflect who you are and what you believe. You have the right to insist on your personal desires being expressed. There is an Officiant available who will be willing to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams.

I marry many couples from mixed religious backgrounds. Sometimes one person is Jewish, and the other person is Christian. Sometimes one person is Catholic, and the other person has no religious experience. Sometimes, one person is Hindu, and the other person is Methodist. I have married many diverse couples! When I meet with a couple, I ask them if they have any specific religious faith, and if they do, what part of their religious faith they would like to include in the ceremony. Even if only one person is Jewish, I always ask if they  would like to"break the glass." At times both the bride and groom break a glass to symbolize their equality in the marriage. If both the bride and groom are Hindu, they have their religious ceremony first with just the family, and then I do the legal, civil ceremony. Chinese couples that I marry have their Tea Ceremony first and then the legal, civil ceremony. I tell my couples that my ceremony (which is custom written) is spiritual without reflecting any specific religious faith, a humanist ceremony, but I can tailor-make it to suit any belief that they have. The Officiant you choose to do your wedding should be just this flexible.

When I was preparing for my Ordination, I studied all of the religions of the World. This experience provided me with a profound revelation - an idea bigger than anything any of the religions had taught me. There is a Creator - a Source of Energy. And there is a Creation - the results of the Creator's Hopes and Dreams. And the whole purpose of everything is to love and be loved!!! All of the religions of the World express this thought.  Each of the physical incarnations of the spiritual teachers of each religion has said for us to love the Creator by seeing the Creator in all things, to love ourselves and to love one another. So it is all pretty simple! I don't know how we got it all so complicated! Religion has done more to separate us from one another, has caused more wars and hatred, has brought more division and unhappiness than it has brought peace and unity and harmony on the earth. I hope to live long enough to see everyone Lay down their dogmas, their doctrines, and their personal "Belief Systems"   Perhaps we could begin to love and respect one another. I personally have signed  The World Peace Treaty that promotes unity, peace and harmony among all people and religions on the earth.

An Officiant who is legal to perform your ceremony actually represents the authority of the state where you are married. I say in my ceremony: "by the power vested in me by  State of Florida, I now declare that you are husband and wife." The Legal power is from the State where the couple is married. The power the local State recognizes is the Officiant's Ordination which can be from a Seminary, a University, or a church organization.

Most Officiants can handle your wedding rehearsal, also. If your wedding party is more than the two of you and a best man and maid of honor, then you will need a rehearsal. I will always run the rehearsal for the couple I marry if they do not have a wedding coordinator. I charge to do rehearsals, because for me it is like doing the wedding twice, but for you, it is worth it to have your Wedding Day be less stressful and go very smoothly. Your bridal attendants will appreciate it, too. They want to do a good job for you, and a rehearsal shows them exactly what they are suppose to do, where and when!

A bit about the fees:

Let me say a few things about the fee for the Officiant. If you are being married by your pastor, a small monetary Gift - usually $100 - is adequate for payment. However, you must remember that your pastor is being paid a salary plus housing and car allowance each week, which Is paid to him out of the tithes and offerings given by you and the other members of the Church. But if you do not go to church, you need to hire an Officiant, like me, who does not have a Church and a professional Officiant is "in Business" and has all of the expenses of doing business - like Paying for their Internet Site, a Webmaster and a Server, their Telephone, fax machine, cell phone, not to mention the big expense of operating an automobile. There is office expense, Stationery, stamps, personal cards, printers, print cartridges and paper, and out of the fee for every wedding that I conduct, and taxes. So, if the Officiant charges $325 plus an extra fee for the rehearsal, this is a bargain!

I researched Officiant Fees on the Internet, and it is not unusual for the Officiant's fee to be $400-$700!!! I see couples spend anywhere from $3500-$10,000 just for the dinner afterwards for the guests and $200 for a bridal bouquet that is thrown away later that day.  Your Officiant is a very vital part of the Wedding Day. You must have a Ceremony and a Marriage License signed by a legal Representative of the State where you are married in order to be really married! So, whether you have anything else or not In your plans for The Wedding Day, choosing an Officiant is a #1 priority, and the fee - even if it is $300-$700 - should be considered a very small but very necessary part of the overall expense of the occasion.
Many times, the bride and groom are so happy after the wedding, and they are so grateful to the Officiant who marries them, they invite the Officiant to stay for the reception dinner. But unless the Officiant is a close friend of the family, I do not suggest that you invite them to your reception dinner. Usually the Officiant doesn't know anyone, and sometimes, people feel like they can't have a "good time" if the Officiant is sitting at their table! Many times, the Officiant has another wedding they need to get to anyway. So, even though we are honored by your invitation to attend the reception, we will be relieved not to be invited to stay.
Whether you know the Officiant beforehand or not, by the time the Officiant marries you, you will feel like you have known one another for all time! I always feel a very special bonding with the couples I marry. I truly believe that we get the very special brides and grooms that we are suppose to marry, who need our type of ceremony, and who have a very special love.
Choose your Officiant by what you feel in your heart, as you will be sharing a very precious time together.

Sincerely, Rev's. Virginia  & David Bishop,  LovingUnity.com   http://lovingunity.blogspot.com